acidbook asked you:
What happened that time Gare and Andy got drunk? o.o
G: Ooh. This is an old question.
Fen: When did you— Oh. That time?
G: I might have… yeah, that time.
Fen: You’re going to tell them about that?
G: Sure. Why not. Everything grew back in fine so there’s no harm done.
Fen: Go on.
What do you do to resolve fights between you?
G: We don’t really fight-fight.
G: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Fen: Like what?
G: All… you know, judgy-judge. You think we fight-fight? When was the last time we fought-fought?
Fen: I just think…
G: No. What? Say what you were going to say.
Cause I am a stalker creep - 2, 14, 21, 23, 25, 42, 61, 67, 74.
G: We got more of these.
G: Come on, it’ll be fun.
Fen: What could be more fun than divulging personal information about our sex life on the internet…
G: Exactly. Here we go. We got a bunch.
2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
Fen: I’ll agree.
22, 31, 7, 9, 18.
7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
G: You answer.
G: He’s thinking. You should see him. He’s, like, really concentrating.
Fen: Okay. One afternoon you were outside, in the driveway at your mom’s house. With a bucket of that, uh, sidewalk chalk. You were drawing a lion. I don’t know why. That. I was really into you doing that.
G: Oh my god. I remember that afternoon. That was because of the sidewalk chalk?
Fen: You were, focused, and… crawling around—
G: Why was I doing that?
Fen: You said that you’d found that chalk on sale. That was the only reason you gave any of us. You drew things in multiple driveways until the chalk ran out.
G: Yeah. No. That sounds like me.
cypheroftyr asked you:
Oooh can I ask G and Fen? Please? 9, 16, 53 & 58!
Uh… sure. We can both answer. Right?
I’ll just set this up like a transcript as best I can (but, I mean, I’m kind of a shitty transcriber… listen, I’ll just do my best, okay?)…
9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:
G: I actually answered this one the other day.
Fen: You did?
G: I… sometimes say things on here. After a day or two I kind of regret my candor. Occasionally.
Fen: How did your candor compel you to answer this question?
(there’s a long pause here — Fen’s drinking a glass of water and staring at me)
G: I said hair-pulling.
Fen: That is true though.
G: I know. Candor.
G: What about you? You should answer too.
G: I’ll answer for you if you want.
Fen: Go for it.
18, 27, 41, 73
18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
These are so serious! These are like… political statements. Okay. Well. This one? Ugh. This one. Yes. Sure. As soon as we start throwing around things live EVER OKAY, I mean… I don’t use condoms a lot these days. I still do. Sometimes. I mean, we do. You know what I mean. It’s just us, long term, nobody else is in the mix, so… yes.
Now, were I a single man about town having sex with people I wasn’t in a super serious, unabashedly monogamous Till-We-Die-As-Old-Men-Together situation? I’m of the mind that you should always, ALWAYS use a condom then. This is the first time I haven’t been a stickler for condoms (he says as though he has like such a breadth of experiences…)
Except for oral. I know, I know… you should. But does anyone actually do that? I’m seriously asking. Does anyone use condoms for blowjobs??
Do you like how I turned this into a question? :)
41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?
Uhh…. I’d never say NEVER, but, it’s not really where we’re at.
In the past? No, not a real one. Not a like, sex one.
73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
I kissed somebody. One time. Once! I was young.
3, 9, 14, and 27? Or just any one of those if you want. : )
3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
Oh, I like this one. I mean, there are so many but, okay, Aragorn. Like, he could kill us a rabbit and skin it and I could cook it and then we could have dinner out— Okay, no, nope. I’m going to stop there before I write myself into a fan-fiction in which I have sex with Aragorn on Weathertop.
Would I be a Hobbit in that scenario? I don’t know how I feel about that.
Ugh. Why did my fan-fiction start with skinning/eating a rabbit?! What’s wrong with me?
9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:
Honestly, it really doesn’t take much. Have you met me? A well turned pun can get me going. Also, a little hair pulling. Lately it’s been a little hair pulling.
Why am I answering these?
14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:
Hmm! The WORST? I’m sure there are worst things than this, but I tried to initiate sex once while The Sound of Music was on in the background. That wasn’t great. Not a very sexy choice.
How did you become a Barista? Are there any interesting horror stories from your first attempts to make “Five Dollars worth of Heaven”?
Hey Gare-Bear! I wanted to know, before Sebastian did you have any big crushes? If so, who were they and what were they like?
I lumped these two together because I feel like they’re linked.
Okay — let’s be totally real about my sad-sack life… before Seb I had nothing BUT crushes. I had crushes on EVERYBODY. One time, in the fourth grade, I had a crush on a girl. For like a day. I found out recently, through very strange happenstance, that the girl grew up to be Bela’s friend Aveline. So. I mean, as an adult I’m pretty sure Aveline’s not my type.
In high school, there was a guy on the soccer team that I was embarrassingly in love with. He was in a band (it was a hopeless situation) and I’d go to the local events that he’d play at (like grocery store grand openings and one bar mitzvah) and kind of skulk in the back. He talked to me one time. He asked me what I thought was going to be on a Kafka oriented mid-term in English class and I said, “bugs and stuff.”
In college I needed a job. And there was a coffee shop on campus and they were desperate for an employee willing to do a lot of the grunt work and I was that grunt. Tom worked there. And he was super smart and super talented and super my type and an amazing barista. And I loved coffee and was like, hey, teach me your ways and he did. And I was not a quick learner.
Interesting training stories? I made things that were truly, wildly, not fit for human consumption. I had this idea for a garlic mocha.
I’m just going to let that sink in. Garlic. Mocha.
But, uh, yeah. Tom? I was like… okay, I was dating Seb at the time but, now that I’m older and wiser and have distance and shit… I can seriously tell you that I had the hugest most painful crush of my early life on Tom the Barista. Sigh.
Gare-bear, if your dad could meet Fen, what do you think he would say to him?
I don’t have a short answer for this but I also don’t think should write, like, a novel here or anything. Really? I kind of think about this a lot. I’ve thought about, you know, when they would have met-met. Like, “Dad, this is Fen, Fen this is Dad,” and I think Dad would have been way smoother about the whole affair than Mom actually was… because he was a pretty smooth operator in general. Charming. Like… he could have taught a master class in charming.
Just randomly something’ll happen and I kind of play over in my head how it’d be different if Dad was there. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, big stuff… but also just like, all of us hanging out in Mom’s yard or cooking or, like, on a lazy Saturday if Fen and I are just at home doing nothing and I’ll think about what it’d be like for Dad to just call. Or text. Or show up unexpectedly with a six-pack and a half a cow worth of red-meat and declare that he was going to be making use of the grill for the next several hours… and then for him to cook on the grill… and then for him to clean our grill and really clean because if Dad learned any really American thing in the years that he lived in this country it was the importance of proper grill maintenance.
I didn’t think about that kind of hypothetical for a long time. I do it now. It’s okay now. It doesn’t hurt to think about that now… if anything it’s kind of nice. Sad but nice.
I do know too that Dad was a big hugger. Worse than the rest of us. He was a Bear-Hugger through and through. He’d lift me. He’d lift Carver, who now is even taller than I am.
So, sometimes, randomly, I’ll think about Dad Bear-Hug-Lifting Fen and as much as I know I’d have immediately been concerned about like, you know, his back and stuff… I still like to think about it. Because it’s maybe one of the most adorable things I can think of. Ever.