hostilemakeover asked askgarebear:

18, 27, 41, 73

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

These are so serious! These are like… political statements. Okay. Well. This one? Ugh. This one. Yes. Sure. As soon as we start throwing around things live EVER OKAY, I mean… I don’t use condoms a lot these days. I still do. Sometimes. I mean, we do. You know what I mean. It’s just us, long term, nobody else is in the mix, so… yes.

Now, were I a single man about town having sex with people I wasn’t in a super serious, unabashedly monogamous Till-We-Die-As-Old-Men-Together situation? I’m of the mind that you should always, ALWAYS use a condom then. This is the first time I haven’t been a stickler for condoms (he says as though he has like such a breadth of experiences…)

Except for oral. I know, I know… you should. But does anyone actually do that? I’m seriously asking. Does anyone use condoms for blowjobs??

Do you like how I turned this into a question? :)

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

Uhh…. I’d never say NEVER, but, it’s not really where we’re at.

In the past? No, not a real one. Not a like, sex one.

…What?

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

No.

Well… no.

Not really.

I kissed somebody. One time. Once! I was young.

anonymouscatastrophe asked askgarebear:

3, 9, 14, and 27? Or just any one of those if you want. : )

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

Oh, I like this one. I mean, there are so many but, okay, Aragorn. Like, he could kill us a rabbit and skin it and I could cook it and then we could have dinner out— Okay, no, nope. I’m going to stop there before I write myself into a fan-fiction in which I have sex with Aragorn on Weathertop.

Would I be a Hobbit in that scenario? I don’t know how I feel about that.

Ugh. Why did my fan-fiction start with skinning/eating a rabbit?! What’s wrong with me?

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

Honestly, it really doesn’t take much. Have you met me? A well turned pun can get me going. Also, a little hair pulling. Lately it’s been a little hair pulling.

Why am I answering these?

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

Goliath. :(

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

Hmm! The WORST? I’m sure there are worst things than this, but I tried to initiate sex once while The Sound of Music was on in the background. That wasn’t great. Not a very sexy choice.

whyimnotinvideogames asked:

How did you become a Barista? Are there any interesting horror stories from your first attempts to make “Five Dollars worth of Heaven”?

and

magesmagesmages asked:

Hey Gare-Bear! I wanted to know, before Sebastian did you have any big crushes? If so, who were they and what were they like?

I lumped these two together because I feel like they’re linked.

Okay — let’s be totally real about my sad-sack life… before Seb I had nothing BUT crushes. I had crushes on EVERYBODY. One time, in the fourth grade, I had a crush on a girl. For like a day. I found out recently, through very strange happenstance, that the girl grew up to be Bela’s friend Aveline. So. I mean, as an adult I’m pretty sure Aveline’s not my type.

Pretty sure.

In high school, there was a guy on the soccer team that I was embarrassingly in love with. He was in a band (it was a hopeless situation) and I’d go to the local events that he’d play at (like grocery store grand openings and one bar mitzvah) and kind of skulk in the back. He talked to me one time. He asked me what I thought was going to be on a Kafka oriented mid-term in English class and I said, “bugs and stuff.”

In college I needed a job. And there was a coffee shop on campus and they were desperate for an employee willing to do a lot of the grunt work and I was that grunt. Tom worked there. And he was super smart and super talented and super my type and an amazing barista. And I loved coffee and was like, hey, teach me your ways and he did. And I was not a quick learner.

Interesting training stories? I made things that were truly, wildly, not fit for human consumption. I had this idea for a garlic mocha.

I’m just going to let that sink in. Garlic. Mocha.

But, uh, yeah. Tom? I was like… okay, I was dating Seb at the time but, now that I’m older and wiser and have distance and shit… I can seriously tell you that I had the hugest most painful crush of my early life on Tom the Barista. Sigh.

Anonymous asked:

Gare-bear, if your dad could meet Fen, what do you think he would say to him?

I don’t have a short answer for this but I also don’t think should write, like, a novel here or anything. Really? I kind of think about this a lot. I’ve thought about, you know, when they would have met-met. Like, “Dad, this is Fen, Fen this is Dad,” and I think Dad would have been way smoother about the whole affair than Mom actually was… because he was a pretty smooth operator in general. Charming. Like… he could have taught a master class in charming.

Just randomly something’ll happen and I kind of play over in my head how it’d be different if Dad was there. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, big stuff… but also just like, all of us hanging out in Mom’s yard or cooking or, like, on a lazy Saturday if Fen and I are just at home doing nothing and I’ll think about what it’d be like for Dad to just call. Or text. Or show up unexpectedly with a six-pack and a half a cow worth of red-meat and declare that he was going to be making use of the grill for the next several hours… and then for him to cook on the grill… and then for him to clean our grill and really clean because if Dad learned any really American thing in the years that he lived in this country it was the importance of proper grill maintenance.

I didn’t think about that kind of hypothetical for a long time. I do it now. It’s okay now. It doesn’t hurt to think about that now… if anything it’s kind of nice. Sad but nice. 

I do know too that Dad was a big hugger. Worse than the rest of us. He was a Bear-Hugger through and through. He’d lift me. He’d lift Carver, who now is even taller than I am.

So, sometimes, randomly, I’ll think about Dad Bear-Hug-Lifting Fen and as much as I know I’d have immediately been concerned about like, you know, his back and stuff… I still like to think about it. Because it’s maybe one of the most adorable things I can think of. Ever.

brushfireartshenanigans asked:

Does Fen watch Golden Girls with you sometimes?

Um… YES.

Wherever there is a Golden Girls marathon, we’re there.

He was so dubious at first. I had to agree to watch some really, soul-killing depressing documentaries with him as a bargaining chip in the beginning… but he has absolutely warmed up to the Girls. And who can freaking blame him?!

He has even, on occasion, laughed out loud. I think Dorothy really strikes a chord with him.

draggy-s asked:

How did you find out about tumblr, Gare-Bear?

Initially? From Carver who left a browser window open on my laptop (which, when I opened it up in public and was greeted by not just porn but GIF’d porn… so it was like Harry Potter moving-picture porn… of ladies… and other ladies, gave me quite a little shock).

There are, however, tags that are more relevant to my interests.

But, yeah, Carver. And his porn. Because it really has permeated more aspects of our lives than I think any of us even realize.

draggy-s asked askgarebear:

And just how old are you two, right now? :>

Today, May 15, 2013 I’m 29 and Fen is 33 (but I swear he doesn’t look a day over 32 — ha! No, I’m lying… he’s a vampire and he doesn’t age).

Over the course of today, I was called Sir twice and Hon once (and Big Guy once — but that’s neither here nor there) by a collection of strangers. I think statistically that means I must be tipping towards permanent Sir-dom (which, I’ve thought for a long time, is the equivalent of being called ma’am… sort of?).

I’ll be 30 this Christmas.

I don’t know how I feel about that yet.

cypheroftyr asked askgarebear:

1, 5, & 7!

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

I had to come up with a scenario to think this one through. Okay. Okay. Here’s the scene. I’m in the kitchen with Andy—

Okay, I picked Andy for this because, you know, we do talk about our feelings and stuff. But, like, not that often. Not really. I mean… not never. Actually probably more than I think. I don’t know. I picked Andy because I feel like there are other people in my life I talk to about my feelings all the freaking time.

Okay, so I’m in the kitchen with Andy, and in one case, I need to tell him that I’m mad at him—

Not that I really get mad at Andy that often. So, fine, for the sake of this scenario, let’s say that I’m mad at Andy because… oh. Okay, I got it.

So I need to tell him that I’m uncomfortable with him dating/whatever-ing my sister.

Because let’s be real for a second.

Let’s just be REAL for a second.

Andy’s older than me.

That is fact number one.

Read More

magicaldoole asked askgarebear:

2, 4, and 6 :)

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

Okay. Truth be told, I can never stay angry for long. My anger-muscles are weak and under-developed. And, like, there have really only been a handful of times I’ve gotten really (REALLY) seeing-red, tearing-up-phonebooks, lifting-cars angry in my all my (29!) years of living. But I get over things. Or I start internalizing them and blaming myself. Sometimes I just forget to be angry… because, like, there’s pie or something. I mean, pie can make me forget.

The last time I was really angry though was really embarrassing and petty. Well, maybe not petty. I don’t know. Both Fen and my mother caught the flu this year and I was trying to pick up a prescription for him and it was one of those things that snowballed into a shit-show in public with people waiting in line everywhere and, like, insurance shit and the whole time I’m there and he’s at home and I’m like, he’s really sick… I got mad. At a pharmacist. In front of a lot of other people who were also either sick or taking care of someone sick.

It was bad. I maybe cried in the car car afterward.

That was a dark day.

I’m going to need some pie.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

I’ve thought about this before. Actually repeatedly. In high school, I wrote an essay about this very idea. Honestly? At this point, I don’t think I’d tell any of them.

I think I’d just make a much more concerted effort to spend all the time I could with them, go the places that we could go that we haven’t yet… that kind of thing. I’d say I love you a lot. Too much. And then they’d start to get suspicious.

I’d eat everything. I’d get massive. French toast every morning. EVERY. MORNING. How much french toast weight could you gain in a month? I would gain all of it. 

Would I be afraid? I think I would have been, like, a few years ago. I think I would have been because I felt like I hadn’t done anything yet. In the last couple of years though, I don’t know, the last couple of years have been really, really good. Better than I ever could have hoped for. I don’t know, if I went out now, I could do it knowing that I really got to do something important. Life stuff. It makes me think of something my dad told me a long time ago… why he’d be okay if anything ever happened. Why he was fearless in a way that, at the time, I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around. I kind of hated what he told me, I fought that for a long time. But I get it now.

Not that I’m ready to! I mean… like, no.

In my high school essay, which was very maudlin, I told everyone. A lot.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

Have we met?

You know I’m going to save that freaking dog.

I can get another job.

Done.

Also, I’m an excellent swimmer. For whatever that’s worth.

magicaldoole:

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

11. Does love = sex?

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

20. Are you old fashioned?

21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

(Source: pocahomo)